romping renegades

i have plans. big plans. hush. they involve great people. great people i care about. something i truly want to look forward to after everything.

things i have in the future:
October:
1) exams
2) WR
3) probably apply for SMU's advancement programme
4) pray that i get into the programme
5) aidilfitri

November:
1) a level malay paper
2)oral presentation
3) group project file
4) end of project work (yippee!)
5) go out with ...... (like finally)
6) go out with little brother like i promised him i would. (alfian sa'at, ey?)

December:
1) tentative 'backpacking' with the little brother. and faidz. romping renegades we will be
2) y-camp? (please say there is)
3) take a short break (short. i don't think i'll get much)

i can't wait. don't hold me back, saying it's not possible. i hated how you reacted to my plan. how could you? it hurt my feelings a lot. and after all that he feels for you. boo you.

romping rollers

first day of exam. poof. all my dreams of passing j1 is gone. argh. mother tongue really got the worst from me. poo poo. thanks to dear for all the sweet messages and encouragements. and to the new little brother, jonathan. you need luck too, seeing how your memory is dwindling.

short entry. let me get my brain re-wired for the moment.

foreign

school feels oddly deserted today. as shiying described, it's like at war and we're the only people who managed to get to school. you can't blame her. only seven people from my class turned up for school today. poo hoo. plus i think 1/2 of the year1 cohort is absent. bah ha! couldn't really care about everything though. and i can do a h2 malay paper. seriously. i got 73% in total. which, technically in jc, is an A. celebrate! zafirah got an A in malay. h2 malay at that. nah. it was something basic. but i was racking my brain for answers. racking my brain is good. hell, no. someone's blasting the darkness' i believe in a thing called love. touching you and you're touching me, touching you and you're touching meeee . haha.. sing with me (in falsetto) i believe in a thing called LOOOVEE!!! good memories of secondary school mtv.

yes i miss you. i miss you so much. i miss having you around to make jokes. to entertain me even though you know i'm at the verge of annoyance. we feint ignorance. we turn a deaf ear. we fake blindness. why? because we choose to block people. people who don't support us. people who think that love has a defined set of rules. who defined love anyway? who defined the aspects and principles on when love can be successful? don't take it to heart.

she wants the perfect guy, who's only taller, handsome, older by a certain number of year. and all that jazz about him being the perfect gentleman and what she want sto happen. ladidas. dream on. you find me that guy right now, and i'll take him from you.

to dear, do you know what i want right now?
to sit by the river and forget our troubles. they never existed. i'll feint ignorance for the time being
for both of us to be able to fly through the window and disappear. we'll run away. and i'll be comforted knowing you're there protecting me.
to walk down the narrow undiscovered lanes of life together.

love is truly in the air. and it's the end of september. one day to promo exams. a few more weeks to aidilfitri

read my mind. fathom.

it's really amusing that i have a sudden influx in the number of times my friendster profiled has been viewed and how my friendster account hasn't had a rest. it's so tired it hanged on me. eeps. i love it no matter what. and making new friends is fun. hmm. better than dead i suppose. haha.

some people just don't get it. look who's the one not moving on here? and please i am mature enough to know that the things you're doing are so cowardice and amateur. even my 14-year-old friend is more mature than you. and that says a lot. haha. why should i even tarnish my blog with the mention of you? found this quote in one of my old journals - "It is always sad because it wants others to feel sorry for it."

i'm evil. thanks to the people who continously support me and keep pushing me on. to daniel saw, what a weird morning it turned out to be. thanks for the walk to school. i really needed it man. and someone's self counsious about his hair, ey? it's growing it's growing! haha. no worries, by the time your a levels come around it'll be back to the old length. haha.


i'm totally gaga. but i'm still in love with someone else. i'm not torned. just.. just enthralled. by your presence. but you mean nothing more to me. haha. i love how last night went. craziness is something i needed.


his tanjung katong girl
his emo 'big sister' cum tv watching buddy
HIS sexy nerd with emo hair.
I'm so many things to so many guys. lovelots to three of you. you make life complete.

of muses and mulling

it amuses me. looking through all the souvenirs that i got from ASEAN quiz. trying to cure myself. hard to do since i miss everyone so badly and we promised that we'll visit each other. the silent tears we shed, wishing each other goodbye and good luck in each other's future endeavours. one week ago, we threatened to bring the entire 19th floor of the Grand Seasons Hotel after spending a full day out competing against one another. true sportsmen, we are. since that night everyone was up in arms singing auld lang syne together. hugs, tears, laughter. one week ago i almost lost a friend i had just made. one week ago..


yes, you tell me to move on. how do i move on from something so great? how do you say no to be part of history in the making? how do i let go from something that i've become so attached to? i see what is real, i'm not disillusioned. thanks to those who make life great. thanks to those who truly care. i couldn't imagine life without you.




'capek dey!' - motto of the ASEAN Quiz Regional Level Competition 2006 contestants. lovelove you guys. thanks for making it all worthwhile.

phooet.

i think the relapse is eminent. i just need wait for awhile. i miss amarul. love. my favourite neighbour and groupmate. lovelove.

relapse

i'm suffering a relapse of AQWS. and i think i'm becoming depressed again. oh no. don't go that way again. plus it's fasting month. it's illegal for me to be depressed at this stage. plus, my late grandmother wouldn't be all too pleased if i were depressed. i miss ASEAN Quiz. i miss everything except the actual quiz. love. keep looking at the photos, especially the ones with the brunei delegates. miss my neighbours who were so crazy and funny.


you can be just so immature. i just don't understand you. you have your pride, i have mine. but who's in the right and who's in the wrong here? i know i'm right, i have my witnesses, reliable witnesses. you tell everyone that i'm in the wrong, but do they know the facts? there are always two sides of the story. obviously you don't want anyone to hear my side of the story. just grow up. i do not want to teach you life lessons. jonathan learnt it the hard way, you do not want the same thing to happen to you. trust me.


i hate hearing you talk. you keep repeating stories that i've heard before. tell me something new. but i can't say anything because you want me to only hear you. please. i have my opinions too. i have my stories too. but you won't listen. it's ok though. i have my own audience, especially dear, my family, my new little brother, my real friends. you are nothing. seriously.


to yanni, thanks for giving me a great day after i'm on a verge of a breakdown. i love you for entertaining me with your margaret atwood and baby g anecdotes. and for listening to my nonsense about staying at the grand seasons hotel, mr jonathan liautrakul and the scandals that happened. i love you darls. you truly are a great friend. she unwittingly makes me high.
<br>
to dear, thanks for humouring me and making sure that i don't cry. and being such a romantic person. you are all that i want you to be. thanks for letting me be myself and making sure i stay that way, in front of others. you the man.


to jonathan, you'd didn't think of seeing your name here. but this shout's for you. thanks for being a great brother to me throughout ASEAN Quiz and entertaining my gibberish, wearing my high heels and calling me while i'm in the bathroom. i wish you good luck in all that you do, especially matters of the heart. have faith and you'll shine through.

i want..

to go back to kl once more, and stay under the covers for as long as possible. and have faidz and jonathan to joke and do video calls with.


to not be so depressed like i'm feeling right now because of what's happened to me since i returned to school. it's not fair for me to be treated this way actually.


for you to open your arms and me to fall into them, and everything is in place as it should be.


people to mean what they say. if you say you care about me, show me. actions speak louder than words


to tell my late grandmother and late aunt how much i truly miss them. i feel hollow without them filling up the empty spaces.


people to hear my side of the story as well. there are always two sides. why must i be the villain? fine, if that's what you want. you aren't a realy friend then.


people to stop kidding themselves. the things they're do not only affect their record, it affects how things will turn out in the end. oh well. it's not my place to tell them they're doing something wrong. we'll see who actually goes on.


to live in italy and just ride around all day on a vespa with dear, weaving in and out of traffic. while enjoying the scenic views of ancient roman architecture. life is wonderful.


most of all, is for hafiz to return. i don't love you, but you're the source of comfort from the past that i hold.

i think i'll go to boston

it's 5.19pm. i'm waiting for tanjung katong to be shared to my dear faidz who's at kuala lumpur. aha! someone's msn-ing during work. tsk tsk. (if he ever finds my blog, i think this post would be long gone by then. unless he secretly reads it) school still seems foreign to me. because there are no j2s in sight. they're all at home or somewhere enjoying their days off or worse, mugging at home. ( i feel for you daniel saw)


how shit can today be? i can tell by your tone (yes even sms) that you resent me. do you think i'm stupid or something? oh please. get over it. that's life. need i teach you the life lessons i taught jonathan? i hope not. that'd be too humiliating and condescending for you. don't come running to me when in the end, you realise that all i did was the best. but you're too proud to realise that. i'm not that person you can step all over. the sooner you realise that the better.


oh well.


his job? share the camera limelight with the singapore delegates and smile pretty like them. you've got an easy life, faidz.


that rare moment i get to take a photo of Petronas Twin Towers from the top.


mug shot. caught for shamelessly calling herself 'dara jelita' during di tanjung katong


love
-tanjung katong girl

the ASEAN Quiz withdrawal syndrome

oh yes, i am suffering from the ASEAN Quiz withdrawal syndrome, as diagnosed by mr jonathan liautrakul. oh well. it was, a free holiday (even though we paid for the hotel rooms ourselves), except we worked our butts off throughout. and we got to meet new people, learn more about our compatriots, and ourselves. i saw someone with faidz's hairstyle. first symptoms were starting to show of my contraction of the abovementioned disease. haha.


back to school feels weird. and strangely foreign to me. i miss the days of waking up in a king-size bed with two brunei guys who were equally fun and crazy just next door. oh well. it's back to reality for me. kept a very low profile in school. didn't want to attract attention. (unwanted) i want my moolah owed by the mda until now. bah!


missing you more.

ASEAN-ed!

ASEAN quiz was fun under the optimistic sun. i know some of you couldn't give a shit that i went, but i couldn't even give a half-shit to you's because this is my blog, so i'm expresing my happiness as i wish.


disputes, disagreements, new friends. anything's possible if you're a part of the 3rd ASEAN Regional Quiz. especially ninez. here are some photos. sorry they're mostly jon and me.





me and faidz (our liaison officer)


from left: me, linh, sans, april, jon, oak soe


oak soe, jon, me


team singapore


the last day, crazy things happen.

this is the last time

to dear, this post is just for you.


i'm sorry for the next five days i can't humour/entertain you through sms or msn. but don't worry, you're always with me wherever i will be. if you miss me, just think of all the jokes and anecdotes that we had and know that i will always love you as much as i love my baby lappie. (maybe even more. )


i'm sorry we can't sms each other (prices will kill) but i will always remember you and will be comforted knowing that you'll be waiting for me here in singapore while i'm competing far, far away. it's just five days, not five years. thank you for your never-wavering: support, patience, warmth, comfort, love and jokes. (for when i get stressed out due to competition problem) thanks for being my listening ear and being the first person i run to when i have problems. you da man!! (nyaha. you should be honoured.)


and no, i'm not mad that she asked you out.


love
-zafirah
your sexy nerd __________ with emo hair

oh well...

nothing doesn't seem to be done. i just really can't stand my blouse fiasco. if they can't get it done, i'm going to get a ready-made one which does look nice, and will not be an attempt to "humiliate the singapore participants" (thanks to mr mahmood)


short update. yes i'll be your sexy nerd __________ with emo hair.

hi ho silver, away!

i'm in school right now chatting with delia on msn even though she's sitting beside me. call me cuckoo. funky. and listening to justin timberlake's sexyback. as always. it turns my sexy on. (if dear reads this he will shake his head. love you dear)


things got off on a rough start. but no matter what, we still have each other. yay. and should we really tell qinlei? lovely. the fun of having wireless internet in school. chatting with dear. fun. we're all happy nutella's. plus watching the drew carey green screen show to relieve stress is fun..


all sparks will burn out

nolite te bastardes carborundorum

today was a horrible day. zafirah is stoned pissed as it is. bleugh. slept at 2.45am, woke up at 5.30am. you count the hours. whatever. mr mahmood asked the wrong question - zafirah, how did the dress go? i wasn't giving an attitude problem or being rude (do not talk to me about it) but at least the stylo mylo award wasn't a waste. he actually agreed with me about what i thought about the darn thing! i felt like jumping up and praising the heavens. (two hours after that i was cursing God. oh what blasphemy.)


today was one of those trying days where i had to balance not falling asleep, concentrate, swallow all the scoldings, not cry, get through Brave New World presentation and to reach 7pm without breaking apart. all that without food. bleugh. when the day finally ended, i felt so relieved. i felt like exploding already. have you had enough of putting me down, making me feel ostracised? of course not. you obviously do not want me here. i can see that. d'ya think i'm dumb? i couldn't give a care about you. anymore. maybe that's a sign that i'm the one not conforming. look who's talking here.


thanks for the company.

burn

after a long, tumulous, trying and depressing day, the sweetest message i read that totally made today better went like this - Darlin... your sexay! - no guesses who. i almost cried from the sweetness of it. thankyouthankyou for the message. it really cheered me up.


daniel saw, you have the sweetest eyes and smile ever. when can we jump into the sea together again? and this time, we'll make no mistakes.


love, like life itself, is relative. let's treasure what we have. this is what we always wanted.

liebe

what happens between us will remain between us. i'll always have you in me. i want that feeling of jumping into open water again. hmm... you just made me a very very happy girl. and only you will know why. i'm blushing already. maybe those from camp spunk will know the news soon. or have they started to make their own stories? haha.


love is a fragile thing. let's make this work. mmm...

demure

hmm.. i don't know why but i can't seem to be able to put pictures. oh well. the picture is on my friendster anyway. the sepia effect shot.


no i am not dating a younger guy. i think i've said enough. i don't want to hear anymore. and you just don't get it, do you? i want to jump off the boat into the sea with daniel saw again. then maybe i won't feel so screwed up right now. blah.

you'll speak when you're spoken to

i'm really desperate. i hate this. i really hate having to give in. but i can't say no. i can't turn people down. so lunch with jonathan. then to the tailor we went. joseph joined us there. i really felt so stressed over a dumb outfit. because i really just hate it. how can people expect me to be happy if i'm not comfortable? i just really want to cry. no seriously. this sucks balls. YOU HEAR ME?! oh wait, you can't. because you don't care. all you want is a good image for yourself. so dystopic. individual sacrifice for the good of others. i'm sorry but it's just unfair. unfair unfair unfair!!! my grievances have been made. i can't wait to play with fire. bulshit.


dear was forcing me to watch cartel's video. it only reaffirms my belief that they are not an indie band. the editors are indie. the perfects are indie. the killers are indie. but cartel is not indie. they are a punk band. i'm sorry dear.


to remain under the optimistic sun, at least the skirt is pretty. because that was the only thing i had a say in, had control of. because i had the liberty to choose and buy it. it's pretty. worth my $42. for once, zafirah bought a skirt. (other than the school skirt)


everytime i hear the editors' fingers in the factories, i think that you're singing the song to me, especially the line smile for once for a moment, it'll make us happy. heck, the entire song is something you'd sing for me, wouldn't you? the editors remind me of a holiday. holiday music. it feels melancholic, yet just the thing i need on rainy days and any day i feel down. my favourite discovery. loovely. i have a thick stack of moove national day cow decals. anyone interested? call zafirah at 1800-I-LOVE-MOO. haha. but interested friends please respond. (not to the number)


an unnecessary long post. if you see me running to the red once more, you're nuts.

indigo violets

in 25 minutes - i have to call dear to wake him up
in 25 minutes - i have to get ready to leave
in 55 minutes - i'm trudging my butt to harvey norman to get a USB cable
in 85 minutes - i have to get on the darned MRT train
in 2 1/2 hours - to the tailor i go


it's a list i have to abide by the time. boo. i miss you.


counting down the moments.

if i lay here

really wanted to fast. but guess what? i had diarrhoea in the morning. the lack of body fluids took its toll on me. giddy spells and headaches. and i was really weak. hence, could not fast. sad. so 2 more days.


night drive was groovy. (dear's word) ended with dinner at adam road. i miss night drives. i always looked forward to them when i was young. which reminds me, found the killers' when you were young. lovely. these days i'm into dance music. yes. like justin timberlake's sexyback. and re-discovering janet jackson's all nite (don't stop). and cassie's me n u. yippees. i am a happy girl. happy girl didn't run away. she was kidnapped. and duly returned by the kidnapper. i found her on the shoe rack outside my house, and replaced my $5 slippers, which have coincidentally went missing. boo.

smile like you mean it

so many beautiful songs in my laptop. unfortunately, the USB cable is nowhere to be found. hence, i need to trudge my lazy bum to harvey norman tomorrow to get one. another addition to my to-do list for tomorrow. boo hoo. this cannot be happening. maybe it's a sign. that i should stop putting songs into my mp3 player. no. my mp3 is my life. it's a worthwhile investment that my parents and i did not regret (i bugged them for a day and got it.) and i have been ever faithful to it. yes, despite iPod and Creative coming up with nicer designs and bigger spaces, i'm still loyal to my 1 1/2 year old pink Creative MuVo Slim mp3 player and it's perfect because this way, i do not have to lug a discman, batteries and cds with the risk i might scratch (or worse, lose) my precious cds, especially my franz ferdinand albums. so to my mp3, you're the greatest!


dear likes this line in the editor's 'fingers in the factories'- smile for once, for a moment, it makes us happy. he says i don't smile enough because happy girl is no longer here with us. ok dear. and he's so sweet to accompany me while i watched videos of the drew carey green screen show until i felt sleepy. such a lovely friend i have. my buddy, my partner-in-crime, my ever-willing listening ear. it's not what you think. we aren't a couple. we're just very close with each other. so stop saying that i've got a boyfriend.


i've been left to ponder about my own ancestry. because i don't really know what ancestry i have. yes, even though it says i'm malay in my identification card, i am, by right, a javanese, not by race, but by blood. both my parents' roots come from Java. i don't know about my dad's side but my mom told me that there were inter-racial marriages in her ancestry. but i'm not sure what. that can explain my non-Malay, non-Javanese facial and skin features. random thought that happened while i spent 10 minutes in the loo.


you're the night, the dirty night, that keeps us going

happy 100th post...

was browsing through people's friendsters. and i like this person's hobbies and interests
- play with her hair (she's like my pet cat)- guess whose? he'll kill me if he sees this here. miao.


fasted today. it feels good to fast once in a while. after yesterday's turn of events, it felt really good to be at one with myself. i think i lost myself for a while (according to nice dear, happy girl ran away and left emo girl who's stressed and annoyed behind) bleugh. fasting makes me calm, because i can't be angry at the world today. except the mda people can make me do that. so thanks to - MY MUMMY!!!, dear, jonathan and everyone else who cared about what happened to me today and making me happy. especially to my mummy who stood up for me against the mda person for making me miserable. and to the drew carey green screen show to make me laugh out today. i missed watchin the show. was watching for hours on end just now. yippees.


oh well. now (not at this moment) i have to look for a white skirt. so weird. white skirt. if you can't find me during the competition, look for the girl that looks like the singapore flag. haha.


i'll miss you the most-est when i leave. i know it's only five days, but i won't have anyone accompanying me to sleep and to wish me goodnight. yes, we can sms, but it won't feel the same as having you in the same country with me. (and the prices will kill) call me crazy, but knowing that you're in hougang while i'm in bukit batok is way different from knowing that you'll be in hougang while i'm in kuala lumpur is different. you're the greatest friend a girl could ever have.

retro girl turned into emo girl

since retro girl ran away (according to dear), i have no happy things to say today. so here are photos: i have a tiny head. no wonder i'm sad
the lovelies
on a drunken night
seafood dinners make me go yum
i miss her... mylo...

more reasons to turn emo. paul twohill sang franz ferdinand's 'do you want to'. my lovely franz boys will be flattered but disappointed. so sorry paul, your voice is no match to mr alex kapranos. oh well. finally, i got a franz ferdinand song. and you sang it wrongly. no intensity. boo. my franz boys, please come back to singapore and show them how it's done after your third album comes out. this is a plea. i beg of you. love love alex kapranos.

hush....

you want to know a secret? i keep forgetting how your voice sounds. but i can't get the smell of your deodarant and hair gel (i think it's gel. or is it clay? hmm) out of my system. sweet. call me the sweetest friend you'll ever have. smiles.


feeling unnecessarily upset with someone. you raised my hopes for nothing. it's alright. i've learnt to be more patient these days. you just have no right to tell me that i must wear that thing. because:
1) my parents will not be all too pleased with the "no sleeves" approach you proposed
2) i do not approve of sleeveless anything
3) what on earth were you thinking asking a muslim girl wear that to a muslim country? i think i'll be hung if i do. shudder.


this kind of weather i want to snuggle with you. where are you? come back honey..

of stars so high

my dear, you are special to me. no matter what people say. we don't need people's criticism because they can't stand us being happy. so i've decided to shut you out. and only be around people who support our friendship.


to jonathan, aren't you sweet? thanks for the compliments. haha. can't wait to meet you this saturday. loll. haha ok.. just made fun of by dear about this. it's not what you think dear.


have to go tailor to make a dress. one hell. how come the guys get to wear a normal shirt, pants kind of thing? why the hell must i be the one wearing a 'fusion' dress thing? oh hell. why can't i have something like theirs? no fair. just because i'm the only girl. oh, and jonathan, if you had seen the initial design, you wouldn't think it's that exotic. haha.


very random today. haha. thanks to dear and jonathan for the sweet sms-es throughout the day today. retro girl is happy tonight.

le amore

oh yes. the symptoms are there. but i do not want anything to happen between us before i leave. i don't want to hope too much from me. from us. i hope too much.


The Editors - 'Light'


I still love the light oh baby
Keeps me awake but I don't mind
Everything I always wanted
Is right there but soon it won't be


If fortune favors the brave
I am as awful as they come
I got a million things to say
I got a million things to


I still love the light oh baby
Keeps me awake but I don't mind
Everything I always wanted
Is right there but soon it won't be


If fortune favors the brave
I am as awful as they come
I got a million things to say
I got a million things to


I still love the light oh baby
I still love the light oh baby
I still love the light oh baby
I still love the light oh baby


If fortune favors the brave
I am as awful as they come
I got a million things to say
I got a million things to


A million things to say
A million things to say you.


oh honey, this song is for you. even though it's been so long, i still love the light. because i hope you'll return.


love
-zafirah

do you believe i can change the future?

i'm almost ashamed to admit this, but how can you be ashamed of something that you love? yes, i love madonna's get together. (what were you guys thinking, huh?) it's a real good track, seriously. it's a bit of a cliche-ed track, but i think the beat is good to dance to. heck, 'confessions on the dancefloor' is meant to be a dance album.


nyaha. anyway, i think i'm in a jumble at the moment. think being the word of focus. here. i don't know where this is going. and i don't want it to go too far. because when we'll both be hurt in the end. and i don't even want to think what will happen if we're not friends. i care too much. and i don't want to end it because we let our emotions get in the way. i've got muse pounding in my ears, my dear. i want to sing for absolution when it comes to you. so that people can't say as they wish when it comes to us.


yesterday's swimming expedition turned into an obstacle course of the swimming pool. too many children having swimming lessons today. oh, memories of my swimming lessons come to mind. i can't believe i actually got a gold award. coolness. dinner with the family. will upload them soon. i love seafood. and airhead is the sweetest guy i know. thanks for everything. even though you feel asleep on me. smile


sing for absolution

mosh

i'm high on soy milk and mixed berries yoghurt drink. i should stop updating so much. promos are coming. competition is coming. in exactly 2 weeks. eeps.


was looking through my photos in the laptop and stumbled upon the franz ferdinand concert photos. how i actually screamed when i found out they were coming. to singapore. after a year of waiting, i'd finally get to see them live. woots. saved like mad to get the tickets. went with my sister, my brother my cousin and some of her friends. we were mad but who cares? i got to stand at the 3rd row of the free-standing area. oh hell. when 'This Boy' started, everyone couldn't help it and started jumping like crazy. i had to go with the crowd. ended up at the side, where the press area was. i hurt like mad when i came out. my ribs were sore for 2 weeks and i lost my voice for quite a while.


why did i bring this up? i don't know. feeling random. so i thought i'd pick out my favourite memory of 2006

socially inept once. look at me now.

my mom told me things about my nursery year. it's so weird, that i rarely spoke that year and that a lot of bad things happened to me at that time. i didn't speak, out of fear, not because i was stupid. nobody prepared me for this. i wasn't ready. and the teacher actually thought that i was stupid, therefore, i would not be able to answer her questions. my mum actually told the teacher off for branding me that way. "Just because she doesn't talk to you it doesn't mean that she's stupid or incapable of an education. How can you say such a thing to a student?"


all i remember about my nursery year was that i was being bullied. yes, i was a very tiny girl. (believe it) and all the malay girls actually ganged up on me and did horrible things. they pinched me and said mean things. and once, they vandalised my book and blamed me for it. of course, i was duly punished for the crime i did not commit. of course my my mum noticed the pinch bruises and was mad that 1) i let people step on me and i didn't do anything 2) the teacher was too blind to notice what was happening. i wonder what happened to them. the bullies, i mean. i think they've become some sort of minah gangsters, rotting under some block somewhere. no, i'll be a bigger person. i wish them well. because i wouldn't have remembered their names any way. i tried deleting you from my memory, but painful ones like these will scar me forever, like the time i was bitten by a monkey. i have a painful childhood.


got new kicks. adidas. woots. ladidas. ladidas is adidas + and "L" in front of it. haha. i love airhead, you're my bestie.